I decided to serve up some extra sexy this Saturday when me and my boo stepped out for Valentine’s Day night. However, when we got ready to leave, my 16 year old son begins to express his dislike for my chosen attire. I guess I comprehend that because I am sure that no male wants to consider or see their mother being sexy. However some of the things that he said really shocked me.
Many times when me and my boo hug or kiss, my son will make the remark, “Aww relationship goals”, in a somewhat sarcastic manner. Yet, when he spoke on relationship goals Saturday it made me think about a lot of things I had seen on social media as well. He started of course by telling me that I should change which I totally ignored. Then, he went on to say, “ma, you don’t have to do this, he is here (referencing my boyfriend).” Which my initial response was, “what are you talking about?” He went on to say explain that I didn’t need to dress sexy because I had a man and that our relationship was the relationship Goals of others. He continued by saying that women who dressed sexy were “in pursuit of a man.” I stopped him before he pissed me off with the ignorant close minded statements and explain a couple things to him (although I didn’t want to). I told him,
“Zay, I really don’t appreciate you formulating such an opinion about women and more than that putting me in a box. It is a woman’s prerogative to dress however she chooses not for a man but because she can. Never assume that you know anyone or their story based on the clothing that they wear because that means that you are judging and making ignorant assumptions. Furthermore never ever set goals based on envy or what you think you see. People manipulate reality every day by making people think they see what they don’t.”
The hashtag #relationshipgoals has become very popular lately, accompanied by photos of celebrities or other relationship related media. While I understand that nearly everyone has relationship goals, I totally dismiss the idea that people should form them based on what others have or seem to have. My grandmother always told me that everything that looks good, ain’t good. This means that just because something appeals to the eye, doesn’t mean that it is “right” or as the youngins say, “on fleek.” All you see is what people allow you to see. You don’t know the headache and heartache that goes on behind closed doors. You don’t know what ground had to be broke for the foundation to be built. I know that many people see celebrity couples and think, damn I wish I had what they have but do you really know what they have? No!!!! Everyone thought Jay-Z and Beyonce lived in perfect harmony until the rumors started flying and the elevator video dropped. Same with now divorced couples like; Nick and Mariah and Wiz and Amber. Unless you have the inside scoop, you just never know, so be mindful of what you wish was your truth.
I know that people believe that all girls have one relationship goal in common, to one day be married. Well, I have never really been that girl. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not against marriage but I believe that it should be taken a lot more seriously then it is. My goal in regards to relationships has always been to been to be with someone that: adds to my peace, promotes my happiness and allow me to be great in my own right. In return, I am committed to providing the same. I have witnessed so many marriages fail and so many people cheat or be miserable in relationships all because they were more obligated to the idea of “happily ever after” than the act of making it that.
I have been in a relationship with the same man for 8 years. During this time we have endured highs and low but despite the lows, we remain because the high are greater than the lows. We allow one another to be who we are and we celebrate that. We communicate and are honest even if it is painful and in the event that it is painful we offer comfort. Many people questions and form opinions about our relationship based on the fact that so much time has passed and we aren’t married. I dismiss that for two reasons; 1. Because I can and 2. Because it is no one’s business but ours. Our happiness is not wrapped up in an over priced event that still doesn’t guarantee forever. Our happiness is wrapped up in the love we have for ourselves and one another. Over the years I have encountered so many women that say, “girl I want a relationship like yours” and to that I say, “if won’t work because we are different.” Yes, I know that longevity is how many people calculate a good relationship and that our 8 year are rare even for marriages now a days. However, my response to that is that longevity is a prison sentence if you are unhappy.
Relationships should be a intimate connections between two people. When setting relationship goals, they should be based on the desires of each person. Never should you attempt to build a relationship based on another couple’s. Never should you miss out on love due to the standards of another person other than your mate. Set relationship goals that are realistic and true to who you are not because it is trending……