#THEREAL: WHEN FAT ON FAT SHADE GOES WRONG!

The Real

The Real Let’s be REAL; It is hard as hell to be a fat woman! We must endure men thinking we are only a fetish, we must deal with skinny girls thinking they are superior and we must deal with all the alternative facts that society continues to push. While all of this is enough to make a fat girl catch a case, what is even worse is when we are downplayed shamed and shaded by other fat girls.

Hearing a fat girl throw shade, shame or downplay another fat girl drives me crazy! How dare you use the same mouth to tear down a woman (in your image) that you us to uplift yourself. Honestly one of the most condescending things someone can do is attempt to spread hate in a space that you too exist in. WHERE THEY DO THAT AT… on The Real, that’s where!PRETTY BIG MOVEMENT

Last week while unintentionally watching The Real, I found myself bothered beyond belief. Why because two plus size women (Frenchie Davis and Loni Love) used airtime on The Real to dim the brilliant light of a fellow plus size woman. I mean, all they had to do was celebrate the fact that Akira Armstrong had carved out a great space for herself and other plus size women but OOH no… that was too much like right (in my mama voice).

Instead of applauding Akira, a plus size woman who has danced in two Beyoncé videos and her Brand, Pretty Big Movement which provides a platform for other plus size women who love to dance they went left. They went so far left that Tamera attempted to pull them back in twice, but they were too sturdy! However, I want you to watch a tell me what you think, the video is below.

In addition to that, Frenchie had the nerve to reach out and tell me that I was lying and that she felt I was being “messy”.  (Insert blank stare) Nessa girl, I was trying to be nice because I did like and respect you but let’s be clear… this ain’t what you want! The video speaks for itself and while it may not have been your intention, you evoked a feeling that I haven’t felt in many years… SHAME! The shame of witnessing a woman that I admire and who claims to advocate for women, shading another woman’s success on national television. The shame of knowing that a fellow influencer would use her celebrity to set our community back. So yeah Frenchie, I tweeted how I felt in that moment; isn’t that what people do on Twitter?

Me and the voice @frenchiedavis ! @byashleystewart VIP Mixer for the @tcfstyleexpo. #asxtcfstyleexpo

A photo posted by Maui| PHAT| Writer| Feminist (@phat_girl_fresh) on

Now, I regards to Loni Love, that chick is a whole mess and I just can’t! How dare you say on national television that you are sturdy! Furniture is sturdy boo, you are fat like the rest of us… OWN IT! Well I guess you can’t own it because you never learned to love it and that makes me sad for you. However, because you don’t have the confidence and self-love that myself, Akira and so many other fat girls have, don’t downplay it! Honestly Loni, you out here getting your Trump on with these #alternativefacts because you are far from sturdy!

Last time I checked (2 seconds ago) sturdy meant strongly built and boo you are far from strongly built. A sturdy woman can’t be moved but you sweetheart haven’t even begun to find a place to settle. A sturdy woman owns her truth even if others find it unfavorable. Most of all, a sturdy woman is too busy empowering women to tear one down. So, yeah… sturdy you are not and solid you will never be until you own you shit and learn to love Loni!

Oh, and The Real, I know that it is your desire to have a diverse platform that empowers women but you are falling short. Why? Because Loni is doing a disservice to every community she is a member of. Black women and girls along with fat women and girl are taking a loss because Loni has no love and it shows!

NOW THAT IS THE REAL!

 

Phat Girl Fresh

Lifestyle and plus size blogger that looks at life from a feminist prospective. I promote #queenshit and encourage women to be #PHATGirlFresh

60 Comments

  1. Bianca

    January 24, 2017

    Well done!!!!

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 24, 2017

      Thanks boo!

  2. Shavon

    January 24, 2017

    Great Read!!!

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 24, 2017

      Thanks!

  3. Rena

    January 24, 2017

    Let me see the twitter stuff… BTW this was good.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 24, 2017

      Thanks!

  4. Timia Nicole

    January 24, 2017

    Yes!!! Loni is often taking this “neutral stance. She’s ok with being typecast…. And Frenchie. Ugh… I wonder what they said about “Hidden Figures”

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 24, 2017

      Girl! Who knows!

  5. Jana

    January 24, 2017

    I started to read your article and wanted to be mad at you but I watched the video and my jaw was on the floor. As a woman who used to weigh three bills myself, I STILL identify with every single thing you said after listening to those two. I loved this video of Akira the first time I saw it and as usual it made me wish I had had the courage to be that type of woman. I know for sure one thing, there is no time now or in the future for ANY women to put down other women. Please keep doing what you are doing and being someone ALL women can look up to.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 24, 2017

      Thank you so much! I am not at all afraid to call bullshit! However I battled with the situation because I liked Frenchie at some point. However, I have an obligation to women!

  6. Angela C.

    January 24, 2017

    So many thoughts come to mine, but you summed it all up! #ifeelshame

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 24, 2017

      Like really really ashamed!

  7. Alysia Williams

    January 25, 2017

    Eff Loni Love and her closed-minded self! That heifer said, “This is foolishness!” She also said, “I don’t know what she’s doing!” You know why? Because your judgmental ass doesn’t want to see what she’s doing. She (Loni) drank too much off the market tea and swallowed one too many ego pills and can’t see her own reality: she’s a fat girl too! And Lord, don’t get me started on Frenchie! They support fat girls or plua size girls when it’s convenient and I guess since neither can dance like Akira, it wasn’t convenient to support her. I guess they don’t support Curves or Shapes Fitness for Women since women been exercising and working out is nothing new. Stop downplaying Akira’s efforts and her studio! Man, GTFOH! Kudos to the rest of the ladies on the platform for being realistic and supportive.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Funny fact, Loni has partnered with a brand to be the face of some plus size fitness collection.

  8. ShaKera

    January 25, 2017

    Maui, I just love you. Thank you for standing in your truth and purpose. Please continue to be that voice that advocate for women. I was so shocked. Frenchie losted her damn mind.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Thanks girl! I love you too! She lost her entire mind!

  9. Jessica

    January 25, 2017

    Thank you so much!!! I am struggling right now with my weight and that show hit home for me. I was so pissed about it. But thank you for calling them out on it!!

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Anytime love!

  10. Suhailah Stevenson

    January 25, 2017

    I think she was attempting to fight for inclusion and like Tamera said, there was no inclusion. Hence the creation of the group! I get. Some plus size women want to be seen as “equal” but let’s face it…..that ain’t gonna happen for a minute. I think it’s a beautiful project, I’m here for the READ you gave!!!!!!! And I think Lori in particular needs to look in the mirror and OWN those mountains, valleys and hills. Curves are an excellent thing honey!!!!!!!!

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Inclusion hasn’t come yet!

  11. ShaQuan

    January 25, 2017

    Great read- I agree! I do not watch The Real on the regular so I’m not sure of how Loni or Frenchie present themselves everyday but I do know that sometime insecurity creeps up in us and if we are not wise enough to notice and tamper down or overcome those insecure feelings, we do and say things that reveal our immaturity. I love my fellow thick sistas dancing thier assets off and hope they wiggle and giggle thier way well beyond 15-mins of fame because for their courage they have earned a permanent place in my heart. I hope Loni and Frenchi, in their quite time, reflect on the presentation and perception of their “points of view” and understand how it came across as hater-aid instead of love and celebration…

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      I don’t watch either!

  12. Lorrine Coleman-Ross

    January 25, 2017

    Well said! I just can’t believe they couldn’t be happy for Akira journey and messages. It’s plenty of things that big girls been doing for years including YES dancing, singing and modeling but we still have a fight. We don’t get looked at the same way a woman that’s a size 2-8 is looked at when we go out for these type of jobs in the entertainment industry. It’s a struggle! We get a side-eye when we do what we love. The last thing we need is for someone in our community (Plus Size community) that’s sitting on a platform like “The Real” not being supportive when we make a move forward to lift our community (Plus Size Woman) thier pushing the steps backwards. Them heifer need to get a life and being on “The Real” they far from being REAL..This just pissed me off!

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Right!!

  13. Chante

    January 25, 2017

    Girllllllll I can go on and on about this you already know how I feel and it’s a shame they had to shade us like this 😡

  14. Ngozi

    January 25, 2017

    I dont like that lonnie did that whole “im not fat” thing…girl YOU ARE FAT

    I can understand where French and Lonnie are coming from 100 percent because I do follow this online personality that always says how she hates when people tell her they find her to be “soo confident” and that she wears things they “would never wear” she hates it because she doesnt think that anyone would approach a thinner person like that..due to their current positions they see no difference..therefore they dont think akira’s group is necessary.

    Now,
    Overall I disagree with their expression becuase they were downplaying the work that Akira is doing. YES there are fat women in all facets of life doing the damn thing but Tamera was trying to bring them back to reality…dont act brand new! we all know that fat women get left out of a lot becuase its not the ideal hollywood look…and they were on some “my life is grand so this doesnt apply to me” girls like akira are NEEDED becuase she works in the world of dance…where even thin black girls are being told every day that they are too “fat” to be a company girl…they were acting too far removed from reality…

    and I hate that they were playing that “i dont get it” role….akira is creating a safe space and environment where fat girls get down and move in a place where others look like them..and I believe shes doing great thngs…i really appreciate tamera for her reaction…they were truly dismissing Akira.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Yeah, that I’m not fat thing worked my nerve!

  15. Sue

    January 25, 2017

    While I do think that your heart and concern was in the right place after watching the video for myself however I do feel as though you missed the mark a little and did in fact misconstrue what these two ladies were trying to say. What I heard was, let’s not make big girls dancing until this novel thing or as something that has just sprung up, this is something that is normalized in our society( of black plus size women) and that we already know and affirm that big girls can dance.

    If you listen to them at no point where they discrediting her work they were just saying that this is something that we know is out there, this is something that we see all the time, this is something that we live everyday and it is not something uncommon. As a black plus size muslim-american I can appreciate this message because I have personally encountered so many times in my life where people thought that my actions were 0something novel or new to be praised and I’m like I’m just living my life and this is not new.

    Her analogy to black people getting praise for being well spoken was spot on. some things don’t need a spotlight shined on them because it makes it seem as if it is rare, when educated black people especially black women being the number one educated group in the US is not a rare thing and shouldn’t be treated as such. I see the same applies to big girls dancing. we’ve been dancing at that size before they picked us up and put us on that damn boat and we’ve been dancing at that size all our lives.

    I don’t believe there was any shade or harm just simply to say hey we’ve been here dancing, of cousre we can do it all.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      I totally understand! My thing is it is normal to us, not to society and until it is… we must PUSH!

    • Shy

      January 25, 2017

      I agree, Sue! While I believe the movement is very empowering, I’ve always felt that to normalize plus size, you just need to live/be…NORMAL. Let’s face it–big girls will NEVER be “normal” to society. Hell, some skinny girls will never be “normal” to society. But we keep living our lives until they see that we are just as proud of who we are as they are of themselves, and we’re here to stay. I’m with Loni and Frenchie–I need SOCIETY to stop dropping their mouths in awe like a dancing plus size woman/man is some strange anomaly. We do this behind closed doors, in front of cameras, and some more! We’re just living–day to day, like anybody else. It almost makes plus size seem like a sideshow: “Check out the big girls dancing, what an crazy sight!”

      I believe that my actions will speak for me…I don’t need to prove ANYTHING TO ANYONE. And society is gonna accept it or not–it’s that simple. Either way, I’m unbothered. Like, you’re gonna get this fluffy work whether you want it or not! Lol…You mad or nah?

      Shout out to Akira though…I totally get that she’s providing an opportunity for the plus size community, and I love that she’s bringing us along for the ride!

      • Phat Girl Fresh

        January 25, 2017

        I feel you Shy! However I feel that we need to capitalize on every moment to show the world that we are excellent! We are normal but not accepted and that is what we have to push for!

  16. Tevin E.

    January 25, 2017

    Nope I digress, she didn’t set anyone back…. But she made a point that it’s almost like shaking tables or seeing a ghost whenever extended size plus size big fat or whatever you identify with does something that skinny people view as not being outside the norm it’s just awkward to be acknowledged in the manner of just becoming a big person that can dance. I understand her perspective on it, it’s sort of a gray area. Because I think what Frenchie and Lonnie were trying to get across was this is OUR normal. It needs to be looked at simply as what the cold hard truth is many people think big people can’t dance. She strove to break the mold and say if they won’t give us the opportunity I will forge my own path. Hell I was a dancer in school doing what I wanted to do I even had the opportunity to dance and take a master class with Ronald K. Brown during a summer intensive that’s my normal. I do believe what they did was open up the door for a Conversation that needs to continue, because the way they spoke sounds it comes from a place of hearing things like that all the hell I’m sure frenchie deals with it being in theater, bigger people are always typecast as older less attractive characters so let’s take a moment to acknowledge that as well

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Yes! It is our normal but until it is society’s normal we have to acknowledge it every time!

  17. Demetra

    January 25, 2017

    That was really sad to watch. It reminds me of hearing women say they don’t see why we need the women’s march and think it’s foolish. Just because they accomplished what they wanted doesn’t mean that the rest of us hasn’t had professional struggles.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      That is exactly what I felt too!

  18. Lo

    January 25, 2017

    I too, like one of the previous commenters read your article and was thinking she must be overreacting… then after I finished reading I looked at the video!!

    You are absolutely right on this one! At first I thought, ok, I can see Loni and Frenchies point- but then as the video went on and Tamera tried to show a different side, they went in. They clearly were bashing this movement and let’s call it what it is HATING!!

    I am ashamed of those two. I am plus size and like Tamera said, you don’t see us as the first pick in dance videos, etc. While barriers are continuously being knocked down for us, it’s people like Lonnie and Frenchie who keep them up with these non supportive thoughts.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Yeah! I see their point too but all of the other stuff not so much!

  19. Keylolo

    January 25, 2017

    The audacity! Girl You said that with authority and firm conviction! You have always uplifted everyone! Please continue to speak the truth! I love it!

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Thanks Keylolo!

  20. Keyia K.

    January 25, 2017

    Loni said she’s STURDY hunny!! Not BIG! #Girl bye You weren’t STURDY when you were crying on the show about how you were being dressed like an old lady because you are “BIGGER.” How you wished you could find cuter pieces in your size.. How can she go and shame Akira for showcasing plus size dancers and creating a spotlight for them? Stating that’s it’s nothing new, when clearly plus size fashion is far from new, and yet she struggled to jump on the boat. Just like her stylist didnt know anything about trendy plus size clothing or where to shop, a lot of people know nothing about big girls dancing! From big girl to big girl a lot of things are common, but to the world it may be unrealistic. It’s not about Akira saying “I’m the first big girl to ever dance,” it’s about her saying that big girls can dance, and we’re showing the world that we are here.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Yes HUUUNNY!

  21. Kirstin Fuller

    January 25, 2017

    They don’t get it at all! Loni always tries to make ish funny when it doesn’t need to be. It is a big deal because if I’m correct there aren’t any other dance troops showcasing the talents of fabulous full figured sisters. Frenchie?! Ummm I’ve never seen any full figured dancers on broadway. I need receipts Frenchie! Anyway I stopped watching the real just because of ish like this and the way they dismissed Tamar.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      She doesn’t get it at all!

  22. Ashley

    January 25, 2017

    This was spot on! How dare they say they see big girls dancing all the time? I’ve watched all the dance shows from Americas Best Dance Crew to So You Think You Can Dance and I don’t remember one plus sizes dancer. So where’s this representation they speak of? So many women were inspired by Akira’s movement and many others were educated! How dare they use their platforms to try dim her light?!

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Exactly!

  23. MzPhillyChic

    January 25, 2017

    Lonnie lose a few pounds and now she’s “sturdy” that’s laughable 😂😂😂
    I’m more disappointed in Lonnies response more than anything because she’s smack in the middle of being scrutinized and judged everyday being the only plus size woman on the show. Yes we do have it harder and her of all people know this first hand!!! Complaining about her clothes at one point as well as not being able to wear heels and sexy shoes!!!!
    As another commenter stated she’s not confident in herself she has so look around that table every show and see in those women what she wants to be…because she is unhappy with being a plus size big phat voluptuous woman.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Yeah me too but Frenchie took offense so…

  24. Kenyatta Johnson

    January 25, 2017

    How horrible Loni Love & Frenchie must really feel about themselves as they can only reflect negatively about other FAT women! I feel bad for both of them and other women who think they are above other FAT WOMEN just because they call themselves STURDY….TUH! Loni Love…Frenchie, booth need a douse of confidence. You are both FAT. Deal with it.

    Maui, I am glad you spoke up about this. It takes a strong women to deal with ignorance of others especially when they are in the same FAT industry.

    xoxo
    Lady K
    Queen of Fatties
    #PowerPlus
    #IRMC
    #NCFattie
    #CheckmeBoo

  25. Ashley Company

    January 25, 2017

    Thanks for sharing this information. I appreciated it. I think you should edit the article to fix a few small spelling errors because it takes away greatly from the article.

  26. Teressa

    January 25, 2017

    I was with you until you started discussing Loni’s frame as a source of rebuttal on her ignorant statements. She was wrong true enough, but whenever someone disagrees with another’s stance bringing up their physical appearance as a part of negating their claims invalidates your own assertion. If you’re calling someone to task about belittling others by in turn belittling them what moral ground are you actually standing on?

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 25, 2017

      Nooooo!! She said she was sturdy, not me! I responded with what it really means to be sturdy. I would never insult her body or beauty

  27. Pretty BIG Mo' Mon3Y

    January 26, 2017

    Thank you for the Love and support from you and everyone else. We truly are grateful just to have this platform to reach others that has been in or going through the same situations; to let them know you’re not alone and to KEEP GOING! God gave us all gifts;embrace them and own them. Once again thank you so much for the support. #lightwillalwaysdriveoutdarkness

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 26, 2017

      Yes!!! Much light and love sister!

  28. Dee

    January 28, 2017

    I’m feeling more frustrated by the comments! They’re not criticizing the dancers, its more a criticism of the other 3 on the show as well as society at large for the condescending ‘oh wow, we could never imagine large women being able to move, much less dance’ attitude. Every time I’ve done a new fitness dance class I have been approached after class and complimented because I have the double whammy of being plus sized AND over 50, I’m flattered that they dig my moves and all but I can’t help but feel the condescension that people are floored that I was even able to walk through the door without passing out and then proceed to actually dance for an hour. So I completely understand their reaction being ‘big women dancing is nothing new’ . But please stop accusing them of hating on the dancers, I totally get their point. As far as Loni calling herself ‘sturdy’-she’s a comedian folks…

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 28, 2017

      It is no secret that people are still ignorant to the plus size community.

  29. Isha

    January 28, 2017

    I’m here to defend Loni and Frenchie, I actually watched this clip before this blog. Loni is a commedian and she used the sturdy comment as a joke. Lighten up a little bit. Before you can even form an opinion about the show and the co-host you need to be watching this more often than just a clip here and there. I agree that society needs education. But I also understand where Frenchie and Loni are coming from. They kept repeating nobody is dissing the movement we are just adressing people who are always trying to make Big girls seem like a freak show when we are just doing normal things. Again the example of Frenchie about black people and being educated. In my opinion I love the body positive movement, cause everybody needs to feel good about themself no matter what size they are. I love Loni I love her comedy style, she has been body positive her whole life, and more than anybody she has truly empowered me to be body positive.
    Akira is doing great things, but big girls who can dance is not a rare phenomenon. I’m surprised more people are not mad cause how the news is actually laid out. The news is basically saying : “look! never seen before a plus sized woman CAN dance!” And the reactions are “omg! no way! I never heard of it!!!” Even though they are giving her the attention, they are talking down to the plus size woman.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 28, 2017

      I respect your opinion and honesty I agree with some of what you are saying. Hell, I agreed with what Frenchie was saying some what but I just think that until it is the new normal for all of us… we have to make a big deal about it.

  30. Princess

    January 28, 2017

    It think the other panelists were misunderstanding their comments. I think their point of frustration was with societies ongoing perception. Like you cant just be an awarding winning actor, they have to be like award winning black actor, grew up harlem, she made it, yay, which is hard for a black person *record scratch*. Its like why do you have to throw on the attribute? Let people be people. Anytime a plus size woman does anything, they clap at it like wow, aww, almost like patronizing. Recognize her for her talent and how empowering her dance company is but not JUST because shes big. Its then treating her success like a handicap, like she overcame a handicap – big is not a handicap and I think Frenchi and Loni were irritated by that. They complimented her a lot, think they are frustrated with ppl treating it like big girls couldn’t dance before, but now all of a sudden they can.

    I like your article! Im a new follower and soon to be blogger, great video and clips. Look forward to more 🙂

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 28, 2017

      I agree but we can’t afford to take that stance because we are not recognized in the manner as others.

    • Phat Girl Fresh

      January 28, 2017

      However, thanks for the support and I wish you well on your new blog! Share it with me so I can support.

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