Maui Bigelow

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I HAVE CANCER, BUT CANCER DOESN’T HAVE ME

Maui B of PHAT Girl Fresh

” In every crisis there is a message. Crises are nature’s way of forcing change – breaking down old structures, shaking loose negative habits so that something new and better can take their place.” – Susan L. Taylor

Most of you have followed and witnessed my growth so you know my life has never been perfect. I started 2017 with a tornado slamming our home, leaving us living in a hotel for months. Many of you have also noticed that I have had several medical hardships prior to 2017 but in 2017 as well. However, it wasn’t until December 11, 2017 that I met my crises; this was when my hematologist informed me that I had Multiple Myeloma.

Now I know most of you (like me), are thinking what is Multiple Myeloma. So, let me tell you… Multiple Myeloma is a type of blood cancer that develops in the bone marrow. (READ MORE HERE)

From the moment he spoke those words, I was overwhelmed with emotions. I didn’t really have a full understanding of what it was or what the multiple myeloma risk factors were. While waiting for the doctor to return to the room, I texted several individuals who I knew were waiting to find out the results of the bone marrow biopsy. Then I called several people that I felt would keep me encouraged… none of them answered! That is when the tears begin; this is the beginning of something tough and I am going to have to go at it alone, was my thought and fear.

Before I could leave that room, God sent me the first of many things I needed to fight… UNDERSTANDING! This understanding came during a call with my girl Ty, she literally said everything I needed to hear to stand and move forward because I was stuck! She made me grasp things that I knew but had allowed fear to snatch in that moment. So, my why me turned into why not me.

As a person who suffers from anxiety and depression, I felt myself slipping and I felt powerless. I was praying, people were encouraging me but I couldn’t shake the fear and anxiety that accompanied the diagnoses. All my thoughts were negative although I spoke life to others. I did speak to a couple of my friends about how it was all making me feel at the time, and they did recommend me to try out some products or get into some new hobbies to try and distract myself, and just make the most of my life! Although I wasn’t sure about it, a popular suggestion that kept coming up was to try some cannabis as this is said to have some amazing health benefits and many cater to many mental health conditions. I took a visit to budexpressnow.net/ to check out how I could make some homemade pipes to smoke with, and it looked pretty enticing. If you are looking for a place to buy cannabis online I recommend to visit cannablossom.co, this site works for me. It also turns out that there is a good amount of evidence that suggests cannabinoids (in cannabis) can help fight cancer, or at least certain types of it. Given my diagnosis, this was an interesting development. I also found out that you can even get cookies containing cannabis (https://www.togoweed.co/product/platinum-cookies/) which definitely appealed to me! But, despite my research, I just felt super down at that moment in time. Yep… I felt defeated and I was wearing the mask because as a strong woman, I needed to be a strong woman.

I told me kids our theme for this chapter was all faith no fear but girl… I was scared as hell! The 15 days I had to wait for my next appointment seemed more like 15 years. However, while I waited, I invested more time and energy into something familiar… My faith in God!

Maui B of PHAT Girl Fresh

Returning to my church home, being fed what my soul craved, praising, and worshipping was not what the doctor ordered(pun intended) but just what I needed. And so, it was, my faith was strengthened to a place that allowed me to see that this crisis was the universes way of getting my attention and forcing me to change. Did I still cry occasionally? Yes! Did I still have moments? Yes! Did I have faith? Yes! Was I ready to fight… BUT OF COURSE!

The 15 days expired, I attended my appointment with my mother and my friend Dori. Yep, I was all nerves but kept praying and I posted something on facebook that put me right back in check; “my nerves are all over the place but so is God!” And just like that, I was ready!

Long story short, the hematologist informed me that while the cancer is there, it is in a smoldering phase (asymptomatic) and no treatment is needed at this time. For now, all I need to do is be tested every two months.

Again, I must say… I thank God for my unconquerable soul! This crisis thought me something that Daja had been telling (jokingly) me for days prior to my diagnoses… TRUST THE PROCESS! I am now confident that this crisis and the process will bring about greater in my life.

So yeah, I have cancer, but cancer doesn’t have me!

Maui B of PHAT Girl Fresh

Comments

  1. Well spoken love well spoken. My mom had breast cancer twice and she beat it twice. I totally agree…….TRUST THE PROCESS!! It don’t always feels good but it’s working for our good!!

  2. Wow Maui! So glad that treatment isn’t needed. You are so strong! Thank you for sharing this and for being such an inspiration. Happy New Year to you!

  3. Beautiful post by a beautiful women with a beautiful spirt and set for life and a beautiful testimony! So glad you are in my circle! Love ya Maui!

  6. Maui,
    I read your blog all the time and they are all awe inspiring but this one spoke to every fiber of my being!! My crises may not be cancer but it’s a crisis still the same and now more than ever is all faith no fear!!! I love you for your obedience to be transparent and for empowering us even when you are facing crises!! ALL FAITH NO FEAR!!!

  7. I am so happy to hear no treatment is needed at this time! Girl Our God is a great God and you just continue to trust and believe in him. Love you my girl.

  8. Wow, Maui! This made my heart drop at first glance of the title. You’ve been so inspirational to me as well as so many other women. Life is truly what you make and as if my own 2017 hasn’t taught me that, this for sure brought it to me clearly. Thank you for sharing! God is covering you. God is using your story for his glory. Why not you! I love you! ❤

  11. Yessss, Sis! You continue to inspire me on so many levels. Thank you for sharing your story and I am so blessed to call you my friend. Love you, Girl.

  12. Wow! Praising God with and for you! Thankful for this testimony. It is going to bless someone near and dear to me and it blessed me. Keep faithing it!

  13. #AllFaithNoFear… I love that Maui… I’m praying for you and with you… Your circle is strong and I know you’ve got prayers coming from sooo many… Including from me and my family…I know it was hard making those calls…I also know it was hard for those hearing it… I remember the day my Sister called me… Although God healed her by calling her home, I remember that she used to say, she couldn’t do it without her circle… Even in this time, you are still uplifting and inspiring others… God Bless you…

  14. My Mother was diagnosed with multiple myeloma this past August and completed chemo and her stem cell transplant 3 weeks ago. I don’t know who your medical team is but I highly recommend her doctors at KU Medical (they have a specialty clinic)

  15. Maui I truly admire how you are able to to share your story and your truth. That is not an easy thing to do and I thank you for that. Stay blessed. You got this girl! Happy New Year to you and your family.

  16. Miss Maui…But God!
    Thank you for your testimony and transparency.
    I know you have am intimate tribe, but also be aware that there is an extended tribe of women and supporters who love you and pray over you even from afar. Happy New Year and I’ll see you in April! ?

  17. Oh, wow hunny you are a blessing for certain!! Everything may not always work out the way we want, but they always work out the way we need them to, whether we know it or not. Keep pushing hunny, I love your energy and your spirit. I’ve followed you for a while now on Instagram and your whole aura is something amazing and most definitely inspiring.?? #godblessyoulove

  18. Oh, wow hunny you are a blessing for certain!! Everything may not always work out the way we want, but they always work out the way we need them to, whether we know it or not. Keep pushing hunny, I love your energy and your spirit. I’ve followed you for a while now on Instagram and your whole aura is something amazing and most definitely inspiring.?? #godblessyoulove #blackexcellence

  21. Maui I love ur confidence and ur style keep praying and God will see u thru and I will pray for u as well glad u have a good support team I LOVE GIRL POWER BLACK GIRLS ROCK

  23. Maui, I just recently found your blog and it’s just as fabulous as you are hon. *hugs* Cancer, sucks period. I can’t begin to understand what it is to go through this crisis. However, just like said you are a survivor and you will survive this. I wish you all the good luck, love, and happiness in this new year Maui. And I will definitely will be visiting this blog again.

  24. I am so glad I found your site .I too have MM..i started chemo a lil over a year ago…This has been the horrorfiy thing I’ve ever been thru ..Its been a long rough road….Fast forward, I’ve been on maintenance chemo pills 7 months now..This method appears to be working….Can I keep in touch with you…

  25. You literally have me over here in tears. Tears of sorrow and tear of joy. I am so happy that treatment is not need at the moment. Your strength and faith will get you through. You will be healed by the blood. Continue to inspire and being the awesome woman that you are.

  27. This was so touching! Faith is the substance of things hope for and the evidence of things not seen. You are definitely a strong woman! I thank God for this platform for you to encourage someone else that could be dealing with some of the same issues. I pray? for your total healing in your body! Continue to be encouraged and continue to be encouraging! ❤

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