Confessions Of A Fat Girl: I Decided To Have Gastric Bypass And I Don’t Give A Damn Who Doesn’t Like It; Here’s Why

I think it is fucked up that one of the things that makes me great is trying to kill me. All my life I have known that my superpower was me, a girl who survived trauma and evolved into a woman filled with passion. Being a woman allowed me access to God’s greatest gift, motherhood. However, after serving its greatest purpose, my uterus is trying to kill me… LITERALLY!

Many of you may have noticed that 2018 has been a very hard year for me medically. I have been hospitalized four times, received over fifteen units of blood and had several iron infusions. I know some of you are thinking, girl you have cancer, medical issues are to be expected. Well, let me just say that thus far, cancer has been kind to me (if that’s a thing).

For those who don’t know, Exactly one year ago today, I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a blood cancer. However, I am blessed to say that it has been smoldering (inactive) since that time. So, while it is present and my Oncologist was confident I would need treatment, ”sooner than later” I am doing well. As a matter of fact, in this year my numbers have declined tremendously and the only concerns that have been raised were due to issues with my uterus and fibroids.

 

Maui Bigelow of PHAT Girl Fresh

Photo by P Dillon Photography

Like many women, I have been living with fibroids for years. Heavy bleeding, extreme pain, two month long periods and passing random clots of blood all accompanied my fibroids. At one point there were 17 fibroids of various sizes inside my body. Over the last few years, I guess those fibroids decided to join forces because now I have one super fibroid that is huge (12+ centimeters) and wreaking havoc on my life.

I’m sure some of you are thinking, just have a hysterectomy already. Oh and please know that I would love for that to have been an option back in March when the bleeding got out of control (AGAIN), but it isn’t. Why? Because I was too damn fat! Yes, I am too fat to have my uterus removed laparoscopically or vaginally and several doctors have expressed their fear in cutting me open to remove it. This fear is that due to the size of my stomach recover would be long, painful and life-threatening.

During all of this back and forth to and with doctors, one conversation that was repeated by every doctor was the suggestion that I have bariatric surgery. After finally committing to see the bariatric doctor and a counselor, I got on board and joined the program. This is when I begin to learn things I had never been able to grasp in regards to eating and living a healthier life.

So yeah, I had the gastric bypass on October 9, 2018. I didn’t have the procedure because I wanted to be skinny, I had the procedure because I begin to understand that health is wealth and that a lifestyle change was vital if I wanted to live my best life or live at all for that matter.

For months I talked to my counselor about how I would share my truth with you. I was concerned about how you would receive it. I feared the plus size and body positive communities wouldn’t understand or respect my choice. Then I thought about my new truth; I am bleeding less due to my decrease in weight and increase in activity, I am 50 pounds away from the weight needed to have a laparoscopic hysterectomy and My protein levels used to calculate my Multiple Myeloma standing has decreased by four times. So now, I don’t give a damn how anyone feels.

Nope, I am not sharing to promote bariatric surgery or diet culture. I am sharing because I know that there are women who need to hear my truth and see my strength as I live through this. I am sharing because there is at least one woman in need of a lifestyle change to save her life, who like me is battling with what others will think or feel. I am also sharing because I built this platform to fill a void for women who need honesty, transparency, and empowerment and this is a display of all these things.

Maui Bigelow of PHAT Girl Fresh

Photo by P Dillon Photography

Oh and don’t hold your breath waiting for me to be skinny or to post those cheesy ass before and after photos stating how miserable I was at my heaviest because you will be dead sis! I have never hated being a fat girl and I never will, I’m fly and happy as fuck in this fat ass body! PERIOD! And prepare yourself for even more Fat Bitch Energy!

So, go ahead, share your thoughts and ask a question or be shady and talk behind my back and among your friends; I’m here for it all.

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91 Comments

  1. Corinthia Prather
    December 11, 2018 / 5:42 pm

    Awesome to make the right choices for you and your health! I pray the best for you!

  2. Teri
    December 11, 2018 / 5:49 pm

    Amazing… A great read and most of all inspiring… I’m currently doing the same (making a few changes with my weight to help an health issue). ?? #LoveIt #PhatGirlFresh

    Also what keeps you motivated and pushing forward?

    • Deidre
      December 12, 2018 / 12:03 pm

      Hey Maui
      First of all take care of yourself and to worry about what people think or say is their business. Anyone that knows you know that you exude confidence now take that with knowledge of your doctor and continue to live your best life. I will pray for you and with you.

  3. Keysia Linder
    December 11, 2018 / 6:05 pm

    You so damn Flossy and Awesome……ughhh I cant stand it! #7/14Twin

  4. tutu vano
    December 11, 2018 / 6:18 pm

    outstanding message!

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:57 pm

      Thanks friend, I was just thinking of you.

  5. Angela
    December 11, 2018 / 6:21 pm

    I celebrate you for living unapologetically. It’s sad that we are ALL so consumed with what people think. Take care of you because none of “those people” would be running to take care of your kids if something happened. You look happy, healthy, and amazing so continue Queening and don’t come down to anyone’s level!

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:57 pm

      Yes, it is a bad thing girl!

  6. Karlyn
    December 11, 2018 / 6:32 pm

    I am usually the one to be like… “Dang, lost another big girl to the bypass” type, just in my feelings cuz I love that I finally have fat women to look up to, ya know… But I feel you on this, cuz I suffered with a enlarged uterus and fibroids, bleeeding for weeks straight, passing huge clots, all that fuckary… My husband and I wanted to have another baby (we have 1 child) so we gave the whole hormones, fertility treatment a try and when that didn’t work I was lucky enough to be able to have a tubal ligation and uterine ablation…2 weeks later I’m bleeding again…so went back for the whole hysterectomy, again I say I am lucky… I had a doctor that didn’t believe my weight (between 300-360) was a issue…he was a exceptional surgeon and I was able to have it done laparoscopic. So… I feel you. Happy for you health and all that but I am not gonna lie and say I won’t cherish these last fat months with you lmao…

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:55 pm

      Even with this surgery I’m gonna still be plus size. However, I am glad you can see pass your beliefs and see how this choice made me better.

  7. December 11, 2018 / 6:44 pm

    I am so proud of you sis!

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:53 pm

      Thank you and I love you!

  8. December 11, 2018 / 6:47 pm

    You are a phenomenal woman indeed! Thank you for empowering us to love and live our lives, not what others believe we should live.

  9. Candance
    December 11, 2018 / 7:24 pm

    How did you decide on bypass versus sleeve?

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:52 pm

      My doctor suggested the bypass, I wanted the sleeve. However, with my size and the amount of weight I needed to lose it was best.

  10. Porschia Guess
    December 11, 2018 / 8:48 pm

    Loved!

  11. Andrea
    December 11, 2018 / 9:26 pm

    Weight loss surgery should be promoted more widely. Best decision I have ever made. Good luck.

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:50 pm

      I think it is an individual thing. It doesn’t have to be promoted to the masses.

  12. Teresa
    December 11, 2018 / 9:28 pm

    I had the gastric sleeve June 18 , 2018 And I don’t care who knows ,very proud of myself??

  13. Makeda Gillard
    December 11, 2018 / 9:44 pm

    You are so fuckin’ DOPE!!! Wow!!! Amazing journey… Much love and respect to you!

  14. Angie
    December 11, 2018 / 9:57 pm

    Thank you for your openness and sharing

  15. Kelly Marie
    December 11, 2018 / 9:59 pm

    No matter what you decide I will always love and support your mission girl!! Your so brave I admire your realness!! Congrats on being cancer free!! #bossbitch

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:48 pm

      Thanks for you support!

  16. Shakelia Bolden
    December 11, 2018 / 10:04 pm

    Thank you for you openess

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:47 pm

      It is just my obedience to God!

  17. December 11, 2018 / 10:08 pm

    Thank you for sharing your story, Beautiful. I love how you wrote this so unapologetically YOU! I am praying for you on your health journey.

  18. Nikinnia Lee
    December 11, 2018 / 10:21 pm

    Girl! Do you! You already know we gives NO FUCKS what ppl have to say about us! NONE!

  19. Earea
    December 11, 2018 / 10:35 pm

    I love it!!! You are still you…just a smaller and healthier version….i look forward to reading more abt your journey and see the lives u help enjoy

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:46 pm

      Thanks for your love and support.

  20. Ayanna
    December 11, 2018 / 10:40 pm

    Super glad you did this for your health. What I think the problem some people have with the bypass surgery is they feel it’s a quick fix to weightloss, which most people get it for but in your case it was needed not as a quick fix it was needed to fix another medical problem you were having. Fibroids are no joke they run in my family so I know how serious it can get. Continue on healing love you’re gonna feel hella better after the hysterectomy..

    • December 11, 2018 / 10:45 pm

      I don’t get why people feel they need to frown on it. it isn’t the quick and easy fix it’s thought to be. It took me 41 years to become who i am and learn my habits. Now for them to be taken away in an instance is hard as hell.

  21. CJ
    December 11, 2018 / 10:50 pm

    I love your TRUTH because of exactly what it is….THE TRUTH. You are hardcore straight up honest. I personally don’t care , because it’s your personal decision. And if you are are whole and happy and ALIVE…fuck em with both fingers!!!

    I know people who lie about it and hide and I never understood why!! What’s the big secret? Live Your Life??

  22. Monita
    December 11, 2018 / 11:27 pm

    You have one you, and if you don’t take care of yourself no one else will. Good for you Maui. Great decision.

  23. Sabrina
    December 12, 2018 / 12:21 am

    ????????????????????

    • December 12, 2018 / 12:28 am

      ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  24. Wendy
    December 12, 2018 / 1:56 am

    As long as you’re healthy, happy, and able to keep talking shit to CK; that’s all that matters! Lovin on you Sweetie ❤❤

    • December 12, 2018 / 5:53 am

      Yes! I will always be able to talk shit to CK!

  25. Mari
    December 12, 2018 / 3:29 am

    You go for it, girl! Do what is right for YOU! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  26. Carmenita
    December 12, 2018 / 6:32 am

    How am I just finding you!! Thank you for sharing your truth. I look forward to your amazing, courageous journey and more of your fabulousness. I call the 40’s, Fuck ’em 40!!

    • December 12, 2018 / 6:58 am

      Yes!!! 40 grants no time for other people’s bull shit.

  27. Elizabeth Carter
    December 12, 2018 / 7:12 am

    Maui I love you; and I don’t think it is clear to either you or myself how much or why I don’t say it more often. Thank you for being such an Inspiration for sooooooooo many of us. God Bless you
    Keep shining bright and keep your amazing energy ❤

  28. Mandee
    December 12, 2018 / 7:22 am

    To me, it’s all about honoring yourself past, present, & future. We are all just doing the best we can with what we’ve got. You love yourself plus sized with fibroids and then you’ll love yourself smaller without a uterus. It’s just about contentment in the moment.

  29. Max
    December 12, 2018 / 9:03 am

    Dear Maui,

    Thank you for your transparency in your journey. I 100% can relate to your story it is similar in feeling to my own 8 years ago. Sending you good vibes and positivity on your new outlooks and adventures as you continue to find your healthy and how that looks for you.

  30. Keiana T
    December 12, 2018 / 9:13 am

    ???

  31. CeeCee
    December 12, 2018 / 9:52 am

    Thank you so much for sharing. You did what was best for you life and thats all that matters.

    • December 12, 2018 / 11:06 am

      Yes, that is exactly what I did.

  32. Dynasty P
    December 12, 2018 / 11:06 am

    I am very proud of you
    You’re going to slay even harder

    • December 12, 2018 / 11:13 am

      That’s the plan sis!

  33. Angela
    December 12, 2018 / 11:07 am

    At the end of the day when it comes to you and your life nothing else should matter. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. Especially, in cases where we’ve been the advocate of our communities.

    Of all truth you mentioned, the one thing that stuck out to me is that your understanding of how your weight effects your life helped you to make the “life-threatening decision. The relevance of it all is that it applies to anyone; skinny, fat, big, tiny, average, short. When our current situation can cause greater harm than good to our future situation it’s time to re-evaluate.

    And those who are true to you will continue to walk with you. I love it. Your transparency has healed more than you know, even the ladies closest to you.

    ??

  34. December 12, 2018 / 12:06 pm

    Hey Maui
    First of all take care of yourself and to worry about what people think or say is their business. Anyone that knows you know that you exude confidence now take that with knowledge of your doctor and continue to live your best life. I will pray for you and with you.

  35. Nikkia
    December 12, 2018 / 2:23 pm

    Congratulations!!! And welcome to the losers bench!! I’m 9 years post op. Enjoy all the “wow” moments and the before and afters. I was confident bigger and it hasn’t changed but my style has and I like seeing the fly big me and the fly smaller me lol

  36. Robin
    December 12, 2018 / 8:49 pm

    This is what body positivity is all about. Straight, no chaser. We gotta do what we gotta do to be the fresh, honest voice of realism in the plus sized community. Continue to stand, to represent us in truth.

  37. Trish
    December 12, 2018 / 10:36 pm

    Congrats love for standing in your truth and making the best decision for you.

  38. Trish
    December 12, 2018 / 10:41 pm

    Congrats love for standing in your truth and making the best decision for you. Stay fly, fabulous and healthy!!

  39. Star
    December 12, 2018 / 11:12 pm

    Health is Wealth! Cheers to more wealth because you took CHARGE!

    I love It and You!

  40. December 13, 2018 / 12:56 am

    Maui, because of my own struggles, this post had me in tears, both happy and sad. Unlike you, I don’t love my fat body. We’ve had a love/hate relationship for so many years. I’ve probably become more accepting of myself since following and meeting you. My health issues over the years have caused me so much stress and anxiety. I’ve shed quite a few tears over this journey to try and get healthier. It is harder than many people realize. When you said your starting weight it kicked me in my gut because I’m right there. I tore my ACL over 10 years ago, and with this extra weight, I’m just in pain, then my back hurts me all the time. Lately I’ve been wondering why I keep struggling at it alone. Reading your post seems like it gave me permission to actually live my best life meaning that I have some serious decisions to make regarding this health journey. I thank you for being so transparent. I truly love you. You embody dopeness!

    • December 14, 2018 / 1:28 pm

      Lecresha, everytime you state your dislike for your body, I get sad because I see something different from what you see. However, the truth is you are who matters when speaking of your body. just know that you have access to me and all the support I can provide. I pray that you are led to do what works best for you. I love you!

  41. Esi
    December 13, 2018 / 3:21 am

    It has been a very insightful read. Thanks for sharing. God be with you.

    • December 14, 2018 / 1:24 pm

      Thank you and God bless!

  42. Jenn
    December 14, 2018 / 1:17 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing. Helpful information.

  43. December 16, 2018 / 12:16 am

    I had a laparoscopic hysterectomy 4 years ago due to fibroids. They were literally killing me. Any way to get your life back from those is a good decision in my book. Here’s to never going down that aisle in the store again and to all the white pants you can stand!

    • December 19, 2018 / 4:11 pm

      Yes!!! White pants boo!

  44. Ann
    December 21, 2018 / 6:44 am

    We are to honor God in many ways, including how we take care of our bodies. Ain’t nothing wrong with having a little extra cushion, but being careless about it, regardless of whatever agenda we desire to promote, is NOT the business. I’m glad you’re doing something about it, for the quality of your life. You will always be Phat Girl Fresh!

    • December 26, 2018 / 10:47 am

      Yes, I totally agree! It is my duty to assure that my temple is good at all times. Oh and, PHAT Girl Fresh is forever.

  45. Alesha
    December 22, 2018 / 4:43 pm

    Such and inspiration!! Thank you!