Every Woman Isn’t Waiting To Be Wifed….

119203342_origToday while on Facebook I found myself engaging in a conversation that I have had on many occasions. The guy was asking why I wasn’t married and informing me that if he were my man, he would have put a ring on it long ago. As usual, I was irritated by the assumption that I want to get married because the reality is, not every girl is eager to become someones wife.

I informed him that I was not some lonely old maid with no options and that had I wanted to, I could have been married on several occasions. From there, he begin to ask the typical questions: was I lesbian, what had made me this way, did I not feel worthy and doesn’t every woman dream of getting married?feminism-is-the-radical-notion-that-women-are-people-11

After answering all of his questions, it left me with a few of my own. Why is it that there are so many double standards in terms of gender? Why are women judged on such a grand scale for our choices? Why is it something wrong with us going against the grain and being who we are.

Gender based double standards really get on my damn nerve. Why is it okay for a man to not want to be married but wrong for a woman to feel the same way? If a man doesn’t want kids it is cool, If a woman doesn’t want kids it is a crime. Women are entitled to be and not be whom ever we want and it should be just as acceptable as it is for men.

feminist-quotes-5One of the first gifts a girl is given is a baby, so that she can learn how to be caring and nurturing in preparation for motherhood and marriage. Why is this? The world has moved forward in so many ways, but many of these sexist beliefs still linger. I think that it is just unfair that we tell our daughters the the world is theirs to conquer but later make them feel wrong for not wanting to be who society says they should be.

As I thought about this, i was reminded of the words that award-winning Nigerian author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie spoke on Beyonce’s Flawless;

We teach girls to shrink themselves To make themselves smaller We say to girls’You can have ambition But not too much You should aim to be successful But not too successful Otherwise you will threaten the man’Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage I am expected to make my life choices Always keeping in mind that Marriage is the most important Now marriage can be a source of Joy and love and mutual support But why do we teach to aspire to marriage And we don’t teach boys the same?We raise girls to each other as competitors Not for jobs or for accomplishments Which I think can be a good thing But for the attention of men We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings In the way that boys are Feminist: the person who believes in the social Political, and economic equality of the sexesScreen-shot-2014-08-25-at-1.20.02-PM

Now before any of you get bent out of shape, I am not bashing marriage. I respect the beauty of two individuals making that commitment. I know that the Bible honors marriage and that, ” He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the Lord.” I love being loved and giving love, it is a beautiful thing. One of my friends just got enagaged and I’ve even been helping her pick out a dress from Winnie Couture Beverly Hills, CA. However, I also respect a woman’s right to do what ever the hell she pleases without being made to feel wrong. Love being able to be me and make choice according to what is best for me, not according to society and their standards.