A couple of weeks ago, I had the pleasure of being Internet famous for a few days. I wrote a post for The Curvy Fashionista, that went viral. I was equally shocked and honored that so many mainstream outlets thought that my message was important enough to be reposted on their platforms and contact me for interviews. Yeah, I know that my voice is vital in my communities and my following respects me but Seventeen, Good Housekeeping and Yahoo…? I never imagined that.
Now while all the attention was cool, I have to admit I made a very troubling discover. The discovery that I made was heartbreaking to say the least. While I hate to be the bearer of bad news and share negativity, I feel that it is my duty to give the real deal to all my woman/girls in the plus size community. My plan was just to share what I discovered but then I decided that I needed to do a little more. This lead me to pen a letter to all my fat girls in an effect to share this truth as well as my heart.
Dear Fat Girls,
Society hates us! This is a sad truth that I discovered while making an effort to empower women like you and I. They hate us because they don’t understand how we can accept our flaws and love ourselves instead of hanging our heads in shame. They hate us because although they continue to cast us out and label us with negativity we find a way to celebrate who we are. They hate seeing our smiles when they are focused on our sizes. They hate the happiness that we exhibit because they feel that we are mocking and distorting the picture of beauty they have illustrated. They hate us based on ignorance and that is pretty damn sad.
My immediate reaction to this hate is, SO WHAT! Personally I am not here to worry about how another person feels about me, that is their issue. However, the more I thought about it, I begin to get a little sad. The sadness I felt was not for me, it was for so many of you. I know that many of you don’t share the same head space that I do. I know that many of you find yourselves in that uncomfortable place between your truth and society’s assumptions. I respect your sensitivity because like you I was once that fat girl who was hurt because I didn’t fit into the mold that society had made for women. I know that the hate and negativity that they spread is damaging to you; it sets you back and that is what saddens me.
I want you to know that there is nothing ugly about your size, you are beautiful just as you are. I also need you to understand that the shame is not yours to carry it is theirs for thinking that it is okay to speak of us in the manner in which many of them do. The pain and embarrassment that they evoke in you is temporary but most of all over time you will find that it is a source of strength. I want you to know; your frame no matter how grand has nothing to with who you are as a woman, your ass despite its shape or size will never determine your beauty and being fat doesn’t exclude you from being fabulous.
If you want to lose weight start with some of the negative ass people around you, if you are still unhappy with your weight then find a healthy way to work that out on your own terms. It is never another person’s prerogative to tell you what to do with your body unless it is solicited. You owe no one an explanation and no one has the right to shove their negativity down your throat.
While you may not have reached the level of comfort needed to tell society to kick rocks with no shoe, myself and so many other fat girls have. We will be your voice, and we have no issue with putting these trolls in their place. We will use our bold unapologetic presence to protect you and one day you will do the same for another fat girl but until that time, just trust me and know that you are pretty damn amazing.
PHAT Fat Girl